Back on Track

It's been a while since I have posted a blog. The thing about the blog is that it was supposed to be my motivation to keep going and provide accountability. However, I have not been motivated at all to meet my goals and my followers seem to have dropped off. At this point, it is time to get back on track.

First, let me thank Sheri for becoming my workout partner. I am now exercising at 6:30 am for 3 days a week. She has been motivating by challenging me every step of the way. I am not a morning person or a runner but somehow Sheri has gotten me to be both in less than a week.

Second, I have gotten a trainer (that I actually like). She a 21 year old, white girl with whom I have very little in common but she is patient with me. She finds a way to engage me in strength training.

Third, my body has been craving exercise. I suppose as your body gets used to exercising and moving; it feels deprived if it doesn't get what it wants. Today, I was feeling kinda of crappy with mucus coming out of every opening but my body was screaming for exercise. I got myself up and went on a 30 minute walk/jog using the Couch to 5K running plan.

I am utterly proud of myself. It's only been a week since all of these changes have taken effect but it's a great beginning. Totally Lovin' Myself!!!

Lost Track

I've not kept my promise to myself and I've lost track. I've lost track of what's important to me. I've lost track of my goals. I've lost track of my worth. I've just simply put lost track. I wish I could pinpoint the moment in time where I got off so I could immediately get back on course.

I recognize this is a process, not just for losing weight, but for changing my lifestyle. My lifestyle currently consists of very little time management, no structure, no centering (if that makes sense). When I was an undergrad I was extremely focused on my goal of becoming a doctor. I mean you couldn't tell me otherwise, my time and energy all centered on this goal. If something occurred in my life that didn't align with this goal; I would just ignore it, push it to the side, and not pay it any attention. Now, years later, I don't have the same focus. It seems as if I've lost my sense of determination and will. I need to get back on track!!

Back In The 'Paign

I am back in the 'paign after a much needed hiatus. While I was home, I must admit I was not as focused on my weight loss goals as I should have been but the thought was never far from my mind. Now, that I am back in the 'paign I have two main focuses: the completion of my degree and my weight loss. These two goals have one major thing in common- the need of a team.

In order to be successful with my goals, I must create a team to help me. As my followers and friends, you are a part of the team but I need a core of professionals. My professional team will include: my physician, a trainer, a nutritionist, and counselor. The concept of thinking I can do it all by myself was a little faulty. A good friend of mine shed some light on the situation by saying I can still progress toward my goals but in the initial stages I may need more support. Once I have met some smaller goals and have the tools needed to make changes; then I can do more by myself. I agree with her so it has begun.

I have already begun by making appointments with my physician and personal trainer. Tomorrow, I can make the appointments for the nutritionist. The counselor is always on call.

I am back in the 'paign and on my way!!!

Keys To A Long Life

Over the weekend I visited my great aunts in Charlotte. There is almost 200 years between them and they are still in excellent health. My Aunt Marian kept mentioning the perfect bill of health she received from her physician. She drinks wine everyday. My Aunt Nola kept saying "no one does anything for me. I make my bed every morning. I walks. I drink milk everyday. I don't eat sugar because it's fattening." So this is what I learned to be the keys to a long life:

• Drink wine regularly
• Exercise- all I need to do is stay active
• Drink Milk- make sure you get your calcium. I'm not a big milk drinker at all
• No Sugar- this is a challenge

The only thing I do on this list is drink wine regularly but not daily like my aunt. She definitely encourages the wine. If I try to incorporate these things into my daily life; I know I will be on my way to long, healthy life.

Failure

Have you ever felt like a failure? Have you ever felt like no matter what you did, how much you tried, or what you changed about a situation you totally failed? Well, that's how I am feeling at the current moment and not necessarily about my weight loss. Even though, I have not made a major overhaul in my habits; the little changes have been enough to have me lose a little weight. I am enjoying the exercise but admittedly I need to be more consistent and focused on it. How do you focus on your goals when you are personally distracted by the other areas in your life?

I am definitely a proponent of life is not as bad as it seems and most of the time I am a pretty optimistic person but when you feel so unaccomplished in a particular area of your life; what do you do to stay focused on your goals?

A woman once said you can never be successful at everything. If you are successful personally; then professionally you will suffer and vice versa. I am finding this to be true.

Another 1.5 Down

I am so excited that even after my Tour of Food, Birthday Cake, and lack of exercise over the past week. I am down another 1.5 lbs. I have been a little more conscious about what I eat but I must admit I have still been eating french fries and you already know about the burger. One thing I have been doing for a while and I am so glad it has carried over since I've been home is not drinking so much soda.

I did exercise for the first time in a week today and it felt so good. Exercise really does relieve stress. I didn't even know I was stressed until after the workout. I just felt so much lighter and happier.

Anyway, the saga continues....

I'm Back!!!

Hello My Lovely Followers,

It's been a little over a week since I posted. I took a little break to celebrate my 30th birthday and now I have recovered from my week of activities. I am been celebrating non-stop since my car pulled up to my parent's house last Wednesday. However, I did not forget all I needed to do and why I needed to do it.

Getting a pass to the YMCA was more difficult than I thought but I finally acquired a 7 day pass. I had the crazy idea that I could exercise outside but unless I plan on working out at 5:00 in the morning; it's not going to happen because it's blazing hot in Atlanta. Anyway, tomorrow will be my first day of exercise in a week so it will feel like I'm starting over but I will not give up.

Food is still a struggle and since I have been here every single meal has been more delicious than the next. The burger I had at Flip Burger Boutique was ummm ummm good. My niece scolded me at the table for not eating breakfast. So, knowing the nutrition aspect of this new lifestyle will be challenging I am still continuing to pursue my goals.

A plan is necessary, especially, when you are travelling because without one you will most likely fail. I had a plan but it was a little flawed. I'm reworking the plan. Does anyone have any tips for staying on track while travelling?

On The Road Again

I am leaving for Atlanta in the morning and I will be gone for the rest of the month. So, what's my plan for keeping it together and continuing to lose weight?

Here is the plan. I am going to join the local YMCA for a month. The director normally gives me a free pass because of my sister and brother-in-law's contribution. I can definitely get my fitness on while at home. The food---hmmmmmmmm- what to do? The first weekend I plan on going of the Tour of Food for my birthday and I must, I mean, I must have birthday cake. In order to counteract this, I will have to exercise and plan my meals better to compensate for the lushiness and goodness of all the Top Chef food. After Monday, the dread begins because I seriously want to cut out all white stuff from my diet for about 2 weeks or maybe even a month. No white stuff means sugar, flour, potatoes, rice, pasta, or anything I think is yummy. This will take some discipline but I know it will work.

I lost 1.5 lbs since last week. It falls right in line with the 1-2 lbs you should lose each week for healthy weight loss but I feel like I can do more. I think I can at least do 2.5- 3 lbs for the first few weeks. Baby steps, right. I am proud of myself for what I've lost but I know I will have to be more consistent and focused on my goal.

Keep sending me your feedback. I have been so encouraged by it all. Love Ya!!!

Accept the Things I Can't Change

I woke up this morning with a headache, stomach ache, and cold sweats. As the day wore on the headache and sweats subsided but the stomach ache was touch and go, needless to say, I didn't work out today. Last night, I packed my workout clothes so I could exercise midday right after I had a little lunch. In my mind, I had it all planned out but nothing went according to my plan (as goes my life). Instead, I spent another day resting when I was not going back and forth to the bathroom. I cannot change the events of today but I can still plan to work out and eat better tomorrow.

In the past, I would have given up on tomorrow because I didn't meet my six times a week of exercise goal but knowing I have to write my blog has me excited for tomorrow. I may not hit my six times a week goal but I am definitely moving more and being more conscious about what I eat than before I began my blog. I may not be able to change everything all at once but at least my attitude is starting to shift ever so slightly.

A Little Rest Goes A Long Way

Today, I was able to grocery shop, cook, workout, and talk to a couple of friends without feeling like I was going to fall asleep immediately. I don't know if it's all the worry I carried for my students while they were on campus for six weeks, the anxiety of writing so I can complete my degree program, the lack of a significant other to share my life, or the thoughts of whatever but whatever the reason I have just been physically exhausted. All I ever want to do is lay on my sofa and watch television. However, I got some good rest yesterday after my students left and this morning and today I was able to accomplish everything on my to-do-list today. I must incorporate more quality rest in my life. How much rest do you need?

Time Management

I missed writing and exercising yesterday. These are the last few days of the summer bridge program I coordinate so I have spent the last couple of days preparing for my students departure. Anyway, it has taught me that incorporating exercise and healthy eating will be a challenge when my time is limited. I suppose to overcome this challenge I should have better time management (as I always stress to my students).

The best time to workout is in the morning, however, I am not a morning person at all. The thought of waking up an hour and half to two hours earlier to exercise makes me cringe. Honestly, I just don't want to do it; I appreciate all the sleep I can get these days. On the other hand, I have to give up something to get something (the basis principle of opportunity costs) so I guess I will have to give up my morning sleep to gain a healthy life. Oh my goodness, all of this is overwhelming.

What A Surprise!!!

Today I wondered what I would have to write about since nothing particularly moving or special happened but then it all changed. I decided to talk a walk around my neighborhood. I mean I drive up and down these streets all the time but never really took the time to see where I live. So I'm walking, got my stride on, lip syncing to Beyonce's Freakum Dress, when to my surprise what did I see? A nice, crisp 20 dollar bill right there on the ground just waiting for me to pick it up. Of course, I did. I held it up to the light to make sure it was authentic (checking the 20 strip inside the bill). Who knew walking in my neighborhood could be beneficial to my pocket and my body. What a surprise!

Day Three and I'm Staying Down!!!

Stay Down

I have loved Mary J. Blige since 1992. You know, hard, hood, KC & Mary; I have always loved her music. It's just spoke to me. So today, I decided to listen to Growing Pains (her latest cd) with Just Fine on it to perk me up since I was in an emotional state. Anyway, I'm on the treadmill listening to my IPOD when Stay Down begins to play; it's one of my favorite songs on the album. So, I doing my thang and then came the tears. I must have been crying so loud someone came up to me and asked me if I was okay but that just made me cry harder. At least I knew the person but still how embrassing to burst out into tears at the gym. Can you say embrassing? I digress.

Everytime I listen to the song I think about a man, how the last one shoulda stayed down, and how the next one needs to stay down but this time I thought this applies to you. I need to stay down with yourself. I cannot let the stress keep you from your goals. I cannot give up because I things aren't the way I thought they would be in my life. I have to stay down with myself. This blood pressure and weight drama will not last forever. I'll beat it as long as I keep it together. One day I'll look back on this and laugh cause in the end I stayed down with myself.

After the day I had of not really receiving the support I expected and getting the message that I cannot lower my pressure and weight on my own, I was just deflated. Still I stayed down by going grocery shopping and exercising. I can do it but I must stay down!! Stay Down will be my anthem for this journey.

The lyrics to the song are here: http://www.kovideo.net/lyrics/m/Mary-J-Blige/Stay-Down.html

The Best Thing I Did Today

Today was the first day of my transformation. In terms of food, I am challenged and personally I think it will take me a while to get this under control. However, exercise and moving my body I think I can do.

Originally, I planned to workout after lunch. I packed my gym bag, took it into the office, placed the time in my calendar as an appointment and still failed to exercise at work. I could have seen this as a failure but instead I decided to do something else. I texted Shaundra (one of my accountability partners) and asked her to come walk with me at Meadowbrook Park at 7:30. She agreed. My workout for today was still in effect.

After work, I came home to eat because I was hungry as hell. Once I ate, the itis set in and before you know it I was taking a quick nap. For me there is no such thing as a quick nap; there is sleep and deep sleep. Anyway, she texted me at 7:30 asking me if I was at the park and I responded "I just woke from a nap." I could have stayed home and rested on the sofa (my lovely, comfy, plush sofa) but instead I called her and said I was on the way. She patiently waited for me. I arrived 20 minutes late but we still walked for about 45 minutes while having great conversation. The walk was even better than my nap. It was the best thing I did today!!!!

So, What The Plan?

Today was the first day of my health makeover. I have decided to spend much of this transformation exercising. Here's the exercise plan:

• Cardio 30 minutes a day (add 2 minutes each week for 12 weeks) for 5 days
• Cardio 60 minutes once a week
• Strength Training 3 times a week

The question is what is the food plan? Exercise is great and will definitely shape my body so that I'm even sexier but I have to make some changes in the food department. What am I going to do?

• Drink Water because I am a self-proclaimed Coke addict
• Eat Breakfast
• More to come because I'm still trying to figure out what's realistic for me

There will be a lot of trial and error in the process. You know I will keep you posted.

Hold Me Accountable

Hello Friends,

As many of you know I have been struggling with my weight forever. Now, my weight and healthy are in dire need of an overhaul. I have been avoiding it because it seems like I will lose all my comforts to soothe my boredom, loneliness, and dissatifaction with my personal life. I have decided to create a blog to journal my weight loss challenges for the next 365 days. I ask you- my family, friends, and loved ones to check out my blog, post comments, and keep me accountable. I promise to be honest and receptive. I need you.

Love with all my heart,

Kim

Here's My Story

I have entitled my blog Thick Thighs Cute Eyes because my weight and blood pressure are at an all time high but I’ve never been more confident in my body image. So this blog will be filled with weight loss challenges while striving to maintain my positive body image. Here is my story:

As a child the messages I received about my health and body were not always positive. See I have a beautiful older sister and she was always considered the pretty one, the beautiful one while I was considered the clumsy one, sick one, tom boy. I recall my aunt saying once I should have been the boy because I like to play with the boys and do rough things. My dad called me Mikey, you know, the kid from the cereal commercials who would eat everything in sight. I never saw myself this way especially since everything I seemed to eat would come out of me. We were unaware of my dairy allergy until I was in the second grade so I spent a good part of my childhood sick everyday because what do people feed children on a daily basis- dairy products? That’s right, cheese, ice cream, milk, or anything made from a cow was not my friend. My stomach just had a serious aversion to food. So in actuality I was a small child or at least normal.

I was not overweight until puberty. I developed rather quickly from a child into a child with an adult body. I went from wearing a training bra to a C cup the summer before 7th grade. I was very self-conscious of my body. With men, boys, and even my friends looking at me like what the hell has happened to your body. I become very aware of the power of breasts and wanted to hide them (now I show them off at every chance). I ate, in order, to hide my body from people. Looking back on it puberty was a pretty painful time of feeling ugly but overly developed and getting unwarranted attention from men on corners and men at church and other places. Going from being invisible to being an object of sex without warning is devastating. I wasn’t eased into it or given any notice; it just happened.

Thank God for my Godmother. She showed me how to care for and handle myself with large breasts since she herself is also busty. She took time with me to explain men or at least the best she could to a pre-teen/teenager. During this time, I’d also grown out of my food allergy so foods I could never eat before I could now eat with little problems, cookies, ice cream, pizza, cheeseburgers, etc… It was like a whole new whole opened up to me. Double cheeseburger combos at McDonalds were my favorite at the time (a long lost friend reminded me of this recently).
In high school, I was very body conscious. As I cheerleader, I was one of the bigger girls at 136 lbs being 5’3. I always felt like I couldn’t wear the clothes other girls did, mainly because now I was D/DD land, with them in A/B cups. I had no booty but was all breasts. Anyway, my junior year of high school I gained a lot of weight. I almost hit 180 lbs. Every doctor told me I was obese and needed to lose weight. Hearing the word "obese " for a person with a low body image to begin with is heartbreaking, especially, when you have no idea as to how to correct the problem. However, the summer before my senior year I swam on a regular basis and walked at least 2 miles a day. I didn’t purposely try to lose weight but I’d been wanting to swim so I took swim lessons and in order to catch the bus to work I had to walk to the bus stop in the hot, Georgia heat. By the time the school year started I was back to 136 lbs. The metabolism of a teenager is extraordinary. For the first time, I recall feeling good about my body and how I looked. I still think, in terms, of appearances that is the best I’ve ever looked.

Then college came and with it the Freshman 30, Sophomore 10, Junior/Senior 10. By the time, I left college I was back to 185 lbs. The stress of school, trying to maintain or find a boyfriend, wanting to hang out and eat with friends; I totally neglected my health and body. I still did nothing about it. The summer after my senior year, my life was in flux with no grad school, no job immediately, and the guy I thought I loved at the time was on to his next relationship (eventually married her). The pounds continued to creep up. I finally found a job and realized I no longer wanted to be a psychologist so grad school was deferred and still no man.

May of 2002, I was 213 lbs. It took me another entire year to realize I needed to do something about my weight and life. By August 2003, I was taking a hiatus from men, enrolled in graduate school to get my masters in Urban Policy with a focus on Educational Policy. Still the health part did not take hold until January 2004, I hired a personal trainer. From January to March, I lost 20 lbs and felt better than ever. My eating habit changed slightly with exercise being the key because I was consistent. Then my love life and professional life came into sync. At 25, my life was just as I hoped. I was in love with myself, in love with my new man, and in love with my professional options. Everything seemed perfect and then I had to sabotage perfection by moving to Illinois to pursue my doctoral degree.

Immediately upon my move to Illinois I gained weight but for the first year I was able to keep it under 10 lbs. With pressure from not knowing how to progress in my program, being away from my loved ones, grieving over the loss of my 32 year cousin who died from complications of diabetes, and ending the relationship I thought would lead to marriage sent my emotions and weight spiraling out of control. Now, four years later I weight a whooping 236 lbs with a blood pressure of 153/107. Healthy changes need to be made now!!!

The purpose of this blog is to track my weight loss journey for 365 days while maintaining a positive body image. I want to keep thinking and seeing myself as a fine, sexy woman, even though, I believe this process will bring several unknown issues to the surface. So, this weight loss blog is a project or better yet an adventure to stop looking at weight loss as a devastating life altering issue where all my comforts and dependencies are removed but as an exciting time of discovery.

Thanks for following me on my journey!!