What A Surprise!!!

Today I wondered what I would have to write about since nothing particularly moving or special happened but then it all changed. I decided to talk a walk around my neighborhood. I mean I drive up and down these streets all the time but never really took the time to see where I live. So I'm walking, got my stride on, lip syncing to Beyonce's Freakum Dress, when to my surprise what did I see? A nice, crisp 20 dollar bill right there on the ground just waiting for me to pick it up. Of course, I did. I held it up to the light to make sure it was authentic (checking the 20 strip inside the bill). Who knew walking in my neighborhood could be beneficial to my pocket and my body. What a surprise!

Day Three and I'm Staying Down!!!

Stay Down

I have loved Mary J. Blige since 1992. You know, hard, hood, KC & Mary; I have always loved her music. It's just spoke to me. So today, I decided to listen to Growing Pains (her latest cd) with Just Fine on it to perk me up since I was in an emotional state. Anyway, I'm on the treadmill listening to my IPOD when Stay Down begins to play; it's one of my favorite songs on the album. So, I doing my thang and then came the tears. I must have been crying so loud someone came up to me and asked me if I was okay but that just made me cry harder. At least I knew the person but still how embrassing to burst out into tears at the gym. Can you say embrassing? I digress.

Everytime I listen to the song I think about a man, how the last one shoulda stayed down, and how the next one needs to stay down but this time I thought this applies to you. I need to stay down with yourself. I cannot let the stress keep you from your goals. I cannot give up because I things aren't the way I thought they would be in my life. I have to stay down with myself. This blood pressure and weight drama will not last forever. I'll beat it as long as I keep it together. One day I'll look back on this and laugh cause in the end I stayed down with myself.

After the day I had of not really receiving the support I expected and getting the message that I cannot lower my pressure and weight on my own, I was just deflated. Still I stayed down by going grocery shopping and exercising. I can do it but I must stay down!! Stay Down will be my anthem for this journey.

The lyrics to the song are here: http://www.kovideo.net/lyrics/m/Mary-J-Blige/Stay-Down.html

The Best Thing I Did Today

Today was the first day of my transformation. In terms of food, I am challenged and personally I think it will take me a while to get this under control. However, exercise and moving my body I think I can do.

Originally, I planned to workout after lunch. I packed my gym bag, took it into the office, placed the time in my calendar as an appointment and still failed to exercise at work. I could have seen this as a failure but instead I decided to do something else. I texted Shaundra (one of my accountability partners) and asked her to come walk with me at Meadowbrook Park at 7:30. She agreed. My workout for today was still in effect.

After work, I came home to eat because I was hungry as hell. Once I ate, the itis set in and before you know it I was taking a quick nap. For me there is no such thing as a quick nap; there is sleep and deep sleep. Anyway, she texted me at 7:30 asking me if I was at the park and I responded "I just woke from a nap." I could have stayed home and rested on the sofa (my lovely, comfy, plush sofa) but instead I called her and said I was on the way. She patiently waited for me. I arrived 20 minutes late but we still walked for about 45 minutes while having great conversation. The walk was even better than my nap. It was the best thing I did today!!!!

So, What The Plan?

Today was the first day of my health makeover. I have decided to spend much of this transformation exercising. Here's the exercise plan:

• Cardio 30 minutes a day (add 2 minutes each week for 12 weeks) for 5 days
• Cardio 60 minutes once a week
• Strength Training 3 times a week

The question is what is the food plan? Exercise is great and will definitely shape my body so that I'm even sexier but I have to make some changes in the food department. What am I going to do?

• Drink Water because I am a self-proclaimed Coke addict
• Eat Breakfast
• More to come because I'm still trying to figure out what's realistic for me

There will be a lot of trial and error in the process. You know I will keep you posted.

Hold Me Accountable

Hello Friends,

As many of you know I have been struggling with my weight forever. Now, my weight and healthy are in dire need of an overhaul. I have been avoiding it because it seems like I will lose all my comforts to soothe my boredom, loneliness, and dissatifaction with my personal life. I have decided to create a blog to journal my weight loss challenges for the next 365 days. I ask you- my family, friends, and loved ones to check out my blog, post comments, and keep me accountable. I promise to be honest and receptive. I need you.

Love with all my heart,

Kim

Here's My Story

I have entitled my blog Thick Thighs Cute Eyes because my weight and blood pressure are at an all time high but I’ve never been more confident in my body image. So this blog will be filled with weight loss challenges while striving to maintain my positive body image. Here is my story:

As a child the messages I received about my health and body were not always positive. See I have a beautiful older sister and she was always considered the pretty one, the beautiful one while I was considered the clumsy one, sick one, tom boy. I recall my aunt saying once I should have been the boy because I like to play with the boys and do rough things. My dad called me Mikey, you know, the kid from the cereal commercials who would eat everything in sight. I never saw myself this way especially since everything I seemed to eat would come out of me. We were unaware of my dairy allergy until I was in the second grade so I spent a good part of my childhood sick everyday because what do people feed children on a daily basis- dairy products? That’s right, cheese, ice cream, milk, or anything made from a cow was not my friend. My stomach just had a serious aversion to food. So in actuality I was a small child or at least normal.

I was not overweight until puberty. I developed rather quickly from a child into a child with an adult body. I went from wearing a training bra to a C cup the summer before 7th grade. I was very self-conscious of my body. With men, boys, and even my friends looking at me like what the hell has happened to your body. I become very aware of the power of breasts and wanted to hide them (now I show them off at every chance). I ate, in order, to hide my body from people. Looking back on it puberty was a pretty painful time of feeling ugly but overly developed and getting unwarranted attention from men on corners and men at church and other places. Going from being invisible to being an object of sex without warning is devastating. I wasn’t eased into it or given any notice; it just happened.

Thank God for my Godmother. She showed me how to care for and handle myself with large breasts since she herself is also busty. She took time with me to explain men or at least the best she could to a pre-teen/teenager. During this time, I’d also grown out of my food allergy so foods I could never eat before I could now eat with little problems, cookies, ice cream, pizza, cheeseburgers, etc… It was like a whole new whole opened up to me. Double cheeseburger combos at McDonalds were my favorite at the time (a long lost friend reminded me of this recently).
In high school, I was very body conscious. As I cheerleader, I was one of the bigger girls at 136 lbs being 5’3. I always felt like I couldn’t wear the clothes other girls did, mainly because now I was D/DD land, with them in A/B cups. I had no booty but was all breasts. Anyway, my junior year of high school I gained a lot of weight. I almost hit 180 lbs. Every doctor told me I was obese and needed to lose weight. Hearing the word "obese " for a person with a low body image to begin with is heartbreaking, especially, when you have no idea as to how to correct the problem. However, the summer before my senior year I swam on a regular basis and walked at least 2 miles a day. I didn’t purposely try to lose weight but I’d been wanting to swim so I took swim lessons and in order to catch the bus to work I had to walk to the bus stop in the hot, Georgia heat. By the time the school year started I was back to 136 lbs. The metabolism of a teenager is extraordinary. For the first time, I recall feeling good about my body and how I looked. I still think, in terms, of appearances that is the best I’ve ever looked.

Then college came and with it the Freshman 30, Sophomore 10, Junior/Senior 10. By the time, I left college I was back to 185 lbs. The stress of school, trying to maintain or find a boyfriend, wanting to hang out and eat with friends; I totally neglected my health and body. I still did nothing about it. The summer after my senior year, my life was in flux with no grad school, no job immediately, and the guy I thought I loved at the time was on to his next relationship (eventually married her). The pounds continued to creep up. I finally found a job and realized I no longer wanted to be a psychologist so grad school was deferred and still no man.

May of 2002, I was 213 lbs. It took me another entire year to realize I needed to do something about my weight and life. By August 2003, I was taking a hiatus from men, enrolled in graduate school to get my masters in Urban Policy with a focus on Educational Policy. Still the health part did not take hold until January 2004, I hired a personal trainer. From January to March, I lost 20 lbs and felt better than ever. My eating habit changed slightly with exercise being the key because I was consistent. Then my love life and professional life came into sync. At 25, my life was just as I hoped. I was in love with myself, in love with my new man, and in love with my professional options. Everything seemed perfect and then I had to sabotage perfection by moving to Illinois to pursue my doctoral degree.

Immediately upon my move to Illinois I gained weight but for the first year I was able to keep it under 10 lbs. With pressure from not knowing how to progress in my program, being away from my loved ones, grieving over the loss of my 32 year cousin who died from complications of diabetes, and ending the relationship I thought would lead to marriage sent my emotions and weight spiraling out of control. Now, four years later I weight a whooping 236 lbs with a blood pressure of 153/107. Healthy changes need to be made now!!!

The purpose of this blog is to track my weight loss journey for 365 days while maintaining a positive body image. I want to keep thinking and seeing myself as a fine, sexy woman, even though, I believe this process will bring several unknown issues to the surface. So, this weight loss blog is a project or better yet an adventure to stop looking at weight loss as a devastating life altering issue where all my comforts and dependencies are removed but as an exciting time of discovery.

Thanks for following me on my journey!!