Here's My Story

I have entitled my blog Thick Thighs Cute Eyes because my weight and blood pressure are at an all time high but I’ve never been more confident in my body image. So this blog will be filled with weight loss challenges while striving to maintain my positive body image. Here is my story:

As a child the messages I received about my health and body were not always positive. See I have a beautiful older sister and she was always considered the pretty one, the beautiful one while I was considered the clumsy one, sick one, tom boy. I recall my aunt saying once I should have been the boy because I like to play with the boys and do rough things. My dad called me Mikey, you know, the kid from the cereal commercials who would eat everything in sight. I never saw myself this way especially since everything I seemed to eat would come out of me. We were unaware of my dairy allergy until I was in the second grade so I spent a good part of my childhood sick everyday because what do people feed children on a daily basis- dairy products? That’s right, cheese, ice cream, milk, or anything made from a cow was not my friend. My stomach just had a serious aversion to food. So in actuality I was a small child or at least normal.

I was not overweight until puberty. I developed rather quickly from a child into a child with an adult body. I went from wearing a training bra to a C cup the summer before 7th grade. I was very self-conscious of my body. With men, boys, and even my friends looking at me like what the hell has happened to your body. I become very aware of the power of breasts and wanted to hide them (now I show them off at every chance). I ate, in order, to hide my body from people. Looking back on it puberty was a pretty painful time of feeling ugly but overly developed and getting unwarranted attention from men on corners and men at church and other places. Going from being invisible to being an object of sex without warning is devastating. I wasn’t eased into it or given any notice; it just happened.

Thank God for my Godmother. She showed me how to care for and handle myself with large breasts since she herself is also busty. She took time with me to explain men or at least the best she could to a pre-teen/teenager. During this time, I’d also grown out of my food allergy so foods I could never eat before I could now eat with little problems, cookies, ice cream, pizza, cheeseburgers, etc… It was like a whole new whole opened up to me. Double cheeseburger combos at McDonalds were my favorite at the time (a long lost friend reminded me of this recently).
In high school, I was very body conscious. As I cheerleader, I was one of the bigger girls at 136 lbs being 5’3. I always felt like I couldn’t wear the clothes other girls did, mainly because now I was D/DD land, with them in A/B cups. I had no booty but was all breasts. Anyway, my junior year of high school I gained a lot of weight. I almost hit 180 lbs. Every doctor told me I was obese and needed to lose weight. Hearing the word "obese " for a person with a low body image to begin with is heartbreaking, especially, when you have no idea as to how to correct the problem. However, the summer before my senior year I swam on a regular basis and walked at least 2 miles a day. I didn’t purposely try to lose weight but I’d been wanting to swim so I took swim lessons and in order to catch the bus to work I had to walk to the bus stop in the hot, Georgia heat. By the time the school year started I was back to 136 lbs. The metabolism of a teenager is extraordinary. For the first time, I recall feeling good about my body and how I looked. I still think, in terms, of appearances that is the best I’ve ever looked.

Then college came and with it the Freshman 30, Sophomore 10, Junior/Senior 10. By the time, I left college I was back to 185 lbs. The stress of school, trying to maintain or find a boyfriend, wanting to hang out and eat with friends; I totally neglected my health and body. I still did nothing about it. The summer after my senior year, my life was in flux with no grad school, no job immediately, and the guy I thought I loved at the time was on to his next relationship (eventually married her). The pounds continued to creep up. I finally found a job and realized I no longer wanted to be a psychologist so grad school was deferred and still no man.

May of 2002, I was 213 lbs. It took me another entire year to realize I needed to do something about my weight and life. By August 2003, I was taking a hiatus from men, enrolled in graduate school to get my masters in Urban Policy with a focus on Educational Policy. Still the health part did not take hold until January 2004, I hired a personal trainer. From January to March, I lost 20 lbs and felt better than ever. My eating habit changed slightly with exercise being the key because I was consistent. Then my love life and professional life came into sync. At 25, my life was just as I hoped. I was in love with myself, in love with my new man, and in love with my professional options. Everything seemed perfect and then I had to sabotage perfection by moving to Illinois to pursue my doctoral degree.

Immediately upon my move to Illinois I gained weight but for the first year I was able to keep it under 10 lbs. With pressure from not knowing how to progress in my program, being away from my loved ones, grieving over the loss of my 32 year cousin who died from complications of diabetes, and ending the relationship I thought would lead to marriage sent my emotions and weight spiraling out of control. Now, four years later I weight a whooping 236 lbs with a blood pressure of 153/107. Healthy changes need to be made now!!!

The purpose of this blog is to track my weight loss journey for 365 days while maintaining a positive body image. I want to keep thinking and seeing myself as a fine, sexy woman, even though, I believe this process will bring several unknown issues to the surface. So, this weight loss blog is a project or better yet an adventure to stop looking at weight loss as a devastating life altering issue where all my comforts and dependencies are removed but as an exciting time of discovery.

Thanks for following me on my journey!!